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Chapter one — What shyness is, and is not
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Shyness is not a defect. It is a tendency to feel watched and judged in social situations — and in Zimbardo's early surveys, about four in ten people described themselves that way (Zimbardo, 1977).
The private theory — that everyone else received a social manual you missed — is wrong. You have a normal alarm system set a little sensitively, plus habits that keep the alarm loud. Habits can be relearned.
Social anxiety disorder is different: persistent enough to shrink work, study or friendships. That is real and treatable, and chapter 16 of the book covers when to seek help.
Attraction is not a verdict another person hands down. It sometimes grows from attention, curiosity and timing. What you control is how often a respectful conversation gets to begin.
Your turn — what would you do?
You feel nervous only around women you find attractive — yet work, study and friends all go fine. What is the honest conclusion?
- ASomething is defective in you
- BThat is situational shyness, not a disorder
- CPut dating off until all the nerves are gone
My pick — and why
B. Nerves that show up in one setting and nowhere else are situational, not a disorder. That matters, because situations are exactly the sort of thing practice changes.
There are fifteen more chapters
The rest of the book covers the spotlight in your head, the habits that keep fear loud, a four-week practice plan, the conversation itself, and what to do after a no. 34 pages, $20, PDF straight after checkout.